Why Singleness Is a Gift (Even If Society Says It’s Not) | Ep. 69

This episode is a deeply personal glimpse into my forthcoming book that reframes singleness from a societal curse to a catalyst for self-discovery and creative flourishing. I share why I'm writing about the single experience and read selections that explore how women can thrive independently while society pushes partnership.

• Singleness among women is on the rise, whether by choice or circumstance
• My journey from creating a simple guide to writing a full book about thriving while single
• The freedom singleness provides for creative pursuits and self-discovery
• How our creative energy connects to our life force and personal power
• The importance of seeing singleness as a season of possibility, not merely waiting
• How this book will include journal prompts for deeper personal reflection
• Creating work that builds legacy and connects past, present and future

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Theme Music:

She No Dull Beat by Nana Kwabena

Festivities in Belize by RAGE Productions

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to a new project
• 5:23 Love letter to women in single seasons
• 13:17 Reframing singleness from curse to catalyst
• 18:04 Singleness as creative freedom
• 23:10 Building legacy through creation
• 26:46 Episode closing and future book announcement

Transcript

Aliya Cheyanne: 1:21

I had already planned to record this episode and have this conversation and I recorded like half of it and put it down and then came back to do the rest and in the span of that time, like this past weekend, an elder in my community and a family friend pulled me aside quietly to ask me if I had a boyfriend and to share some words of wisdom around that boyfriend and to share some words of wisdom around that, and the only thing I could think about in the back of my head was damn. This is confirmation. This is a sign there's a reason why I'm writing this book, so I hope this resonates with someone. Hey friend, welcome back to the show. I'm so glad that you're here and that you're tuning in for another episode. This episode is going to be a little bit different and a little bit special. I have been alluding to the fact that I've been working on some other projects over the last several months, and today I want to share a little piece of that project with you. So, as many of you know, I'm the author of Guided Journal Writing Prompts for Growth and Emotional Wellness, which, if you are interested in a copy, the link to purchase the journal is always in the episode description, so be sure to check that out. But I've also been in my author bag. I have been working really hard to craft a new project.

Aliya Cheyanne: 3:01

I have been in my single season for a very, very long time and throughout the course of the single season I've either been completely single and detached from dating or even engaging or entertaining connections, or I've dabbled in dating and entertained some connections but never saw anything as serious enough to continue with, and I have been in and out of that space for years. It's been a really long time and there have always been single women. There will always be single women. But I especially feel like we're in an era now where a lot of women are reclaiming their singleness, either by choice or by force, because the dating pool has been a struggle for many. Or a lot of women are choosing to focus on themselves because they're not meeting or finding partners that mirror them at the same emotional or mental depth or financial depth or whatever the case may be. It varies for everyone. Or there are many women who have been in relationships for a long time and maybe they're realizing that the relationships that they've been in are no longer aligned. There are countless others who are becoming single because of loss or divorce or a number of different things that they may not have anticipated or planned for. Whatever the reason, singleness among women is on the rise and, as someone who has been in this place for a very long time and for however much longer I wanted to write about that. I wanted to write about my experience, I wanted to share my perspective, I wanted to share insight and I wanted to show and support other women in knowing that they are seen and they're not alone and that, although there are moments of loneliness and singleness, you don't have to be alone or lonely all the time. There are ways to have a beautiful, rewarding and fulfilling life, even in place of partnership.

Aliya Cheyanne: 5:10

Initially, when I set out to do this project, I had only imagined doing a cute little guide in Canva, and since then this project has turned into a full-fledged book that I am still working on editing and refining and finalizing before it is published out into the world. But I wanted to share a little piece of it today. I had this whole intention for the month of February to do episodes that were centered around love and singleness and dating, and it just didn't pan out that way. Not saying that those conversations won't come up on the podcast, because there are some incredible people doing really powerful and creative work In the space of love and dating and relationships that I would love to have on the show. Just the timing just didn't quite work out, but it's right on time to be doing this now. I just want to briefly read for you the introduction and one small section of part one of the book, and I hope you enjoy it. And if you are someone who is in your single season or maybe you have friends who are in their single season, whatever the case may be, if this episode resonates with you, please be sure to share it with a friend and stay tuned because when the book drops, you will be the first to know.

Aliya Cheyanne: 6:42

This book is written through my lens and my experience. Therefore, it primarily speaks to single women navigating hetero dating experiences. However, I think there are a number of really valuable lessons in the book that transcend even that. So this conversation and this episode also feels right on time, because I had already planned to record this episode and have this conversation and I recorded like half of it and put it down and then came back to do the rest and in the span of that time, like this past weekend, an elder in my community and a family friend pulled me aside quietly to ask me if I had a boyfriend and to share some words of wisdom around that, and the only thing I could think about in the back of my head was damn. This is confirmation. This is a sign. There's a reason why I'm writing this book, so I hope this resonates with someone. So with that, let's start with my love letter to women in their single season. Hey girl, I see you. I know exactly how you feel, so let's talk about it Cis to cis.

Aliya Cheyanne: 8:08

When I first set out to write this book, I wasn't thinking about a full-fledged project. I had a simple vision a fun, affirming and beautifully designed guide to help women come home to themselves, something light, filled with powerful quotes, gentle reminders and practical steps to support women in their single season. I had no idea that I had an entire book inside of me, and yet here we are. What started as a simple guide turned into a slow, often painful, yet deeply transformative journey, one that forced me to be honest with myself in ways I never expected. I wrote this book with you in mind, but in the process I had to confront me. I had to sit with my own feelings of inadequacy. I had to battle imposter syndrome, the little voice that kept telling me who are you to write this? I had to face the truth that for so long I had been protecting myself from love, not because I didn't want it, but because I was afraid of losing myself in it, afraid that romance would somehow overshadow my creativity, my ambition and my commitment to putting myself first. Had to admit that in the past I struggled to balance my passion and relationships, often sacrificing one for the other. Writing this book, unearthed truths I had buried truths I wasn't sure that I was ready to face again just yet. Buried Truth I wasn't sure that I was ready to face again just yet.

Aliya Cheyanne: 9:50

The early stages of this book were rough. In my professional life I've always aimed to position myself as an expert, as an authority. Naturally, I brought that same energy here. I thought I had to teach, but what I quickly realized is that we are all in this together. I'm not here to be your teacher. I'm honored to be your companion in singleness. As I write this, and likely even as you read it, I'm still in my single season. I'm still navigating it, still learning, still growing, and what has helped me most, both in writing this book and in embracing the single season of my life, is slowing down. I've learned that singleness isn't about rushing to the next phase, it's about taking my time.

Aliya Cheyanne: 10:40

So many things surfaced while writing this book. I kept feeling this urgency, this pressure to be a finished product myself before I could share my thoughts with you, that perfectionism. It nearly stopped me in my tracks. Every time I overanalyzed my words, every time I questioned if I was qualified to write this, I had to remind myself that I don't have to be perfect. I don't have to have all of the answers. None of us do. Surviving singleness is not about me being an expert. It's a testament to what I've learned and what I'm still learning, and all that's yet to come. So here's to the past and the lessons that shaped us. Here's to the present and the growth we're embracing and the lessons that shaped us. Here's to the present and the growth we're embracing. Here's to the future and the wisdom still unfolding. Welcome to the gift that society has too often called a curse, sacred, solo and sovereign reframing singleness from curse to catalyst.

Aliya Cheyanne: 11:56

I thought I was in love a few times. There was the grade school crush who kept me on the phone for hours, making me count down the minutes until nightfall, so we could pick up where we left off where we left off. Then there was the boy from high school the one my family would never approve of who taught me the language of affection through soft kisses and lingering touches, and later, the young man in my early adulthood who became my homie, lover and best friend, even if only for a season. Each of them left a mark, shaping the way I saw love, connection and commitment. But here's the thing the real commitment wasn't to someone else, it was to myself. Singleness gave me the space to realize that before I could truly commit to another person, I had to commit to me. It was in this season of solitude that I found the freedom to create, to heal and to step into the fullness of who I am.

Aliya Cheyanne: 13:00

Still, we live in a world that treats singleness like a problem to be solved. You've heard the comments, maybe even been on the receiving end of them You're still single, no boyfriend. Still, if you're not married, you're single. Your career won't matter when you're alone, she'll be alone, forever, burden, cursed, leftover, disposable. Why does singleness get such a bad rap. In a society that puts romantic relationships on a pedestal, the idea that a woman can be happy, whole and thriving on her own is almost unthinkable. But I don't buy into that narrative. More and more I see women strong, brilliant, vibrant women, choosing themselves, choosing peace over performative partnership and finding fulfillment on their own terms, and that deserves to be celebrated.

Aliya Cheyanne: 14:04

Now, I'm not here to dismiss romantic love. It's beautiful and wanting, it is natural. But two things can be true at once. Love is a gift, and so is singleness. It's a rare chance to truly know yourself, so that when or if you do choose to welcome someone into your life, they meet you at the level of love and understanding you've already given yourself. My singleness isn't a curse. It's liberation, it's wisdom, it's strength. It's a time of truth-telling and growth. While relationships can be powerful spaces for healing, that healing starts from within. Powerful spaces for healing, that healing starts from within. Singleness gives us the opportunity to reflect, to heal old wounds and to understand what truly makes us feel whole and, when embraced, it equips us with the tools to build not just strong romantic relationships but deeper connections with friends, family and, most importantly, ourselves.

Aliya Cheyanne: 15:12

This book isn't about rejecting love. It's about redefining it. It's an invitation to see singleness as a season of self-discovery, self-mastery and evolution. A 2019 Rise of the she Economy report by Morgan Stanley projects that by 2030, 25% of women aged 25 to 44 will be single and childless. That's millions of women navigating a path that society has long told us should be feared, yet finding joy, purpose and community along the way.

Aliya Cheyanne: 15:48

This book isn't exhaustive. There's so much more I wish I could include, but it's a starting point for a conversation, a conversation about thriving in singleness, embracing who you are and remembering that love starts with you. Whether your single season lasts a few months or a lifetime, this is your time, your time to heal, your time to grow, your time to flourish, thriving in your single season. Singleness has given me something invaluable Space. Space to explore who I am, pour into what lights me up and create without compromise, whether I'm writing this book, producing my podcast or building my consulting business. This season has given me the freedom to lean fully into my creative pursuits without the weight of someone else's expectations. Into my creative pursuits without the weight of someone else's expectations. It's been a gift, a time to flourish unapologetically, live on my own terms and honor the rhythm of my own soul.

Aliya Cheyanne: 17:28

I firmly believe that women are meant to create and that creation isn't just about bringing life into the world. It's about birthing ideas, projects, new realities and new versions of ourselves. We are living, breathing portals of possibility. When we say we contain multitudes, it's not just poetic, it's truth. Rumi said it best you are not a drop in the ocean, you are the entire ocean in a drop. We are closest to the divine when we create, shaping new worlds with our vision and voice.

Aliya Cheyanne: 18:02

Many of my favorite creatives LaVon Briggs, ebony, janice Moore, vanessa Aldrich, ccb and others speak on the idea that there is no separation between the creator and our ability to create. Women have always been healers, mystics, visionaries and storytellers. We carry the wisdom of our foremothers, their fears, dreams and desires woven into our DNA. Dreams and desires woven into our DNA. What we imagine we can bring to life. What we speak we have the power to manifest.

Aliya Cheyanne: 18:44

The beauty of singleness is that it gives us uninterrupted time to nurture that creative power. It's a time to ask who am I when I'm not performing for anyone else? What do I want to create? Who do I want to become? The answers are ours to discover, free from external influence. If you want to write a book, write it. If you want to start a podcast, start it. If you want to paint, sing, travel or pick up a new craft, this is your time.

Aliya Cheyanne: 19:15

Singleness is an open invitation to explore every creative whim, every wild idea, every dream that's been waiting to be nurtured. Nothing makes me feel more alive than being in my creative bag, fully immersed, invigorated, inspired. There's a reason creative energy and sexual energy are linked. They both come from the same source our sacral energy, the seat of passion, desire and creation. There have been moments when the excitement of what I'm creating has stirred something primal in me, reminding me that pleasure and creativity are intertwined. Me that pleasure and creativity are intertwined. Just as we honor our need for intimacy and passion, we should also honor the deep pleasure that comes from making something that didn't exist before. Both are expressions of life force, energy, both are sacred and both have the power to shape the lives we desire.

Aliya Cheyanne: 20:19

Beyond creativity, singleness offers another kind of freedom the freedom to live on our own terms. It's the ability to travel without having to compromise on destinations or timelines, to wake up in your own space, decorate it however you please and move through your days exactly as you choose. It's the joy of reclaiming your time, whether that means indulging in solitude, diving into a passion project or simply choosing rest without having to consider anyone else's needs. This autonomy is a gift. It's a time to get clear about what you want, to fill your life with what brings you joy, and to prioritize your well-being. Singleness isn't a waiting period. It's real life, full of infinite potential. It's a time to dream without limits, create without permission and live without apology. This is the nature of the feminine creative spirit. It's boundless, powerful and deeply worthy of being nurtured. And in this freedom we don't just exist, we flourish. All right, friend.

Aliya Cheyanne: 21:48

So that was a quick glimpse into this project. I am so excited to be completing it very soon and you will be the first to know when. It's out in the world and you can grab a copy. If you are in your single season or if you know someone in their single season, feel free to share this episode with them to let them know to look out for the book. I'm so excited about it. So far it has five parts filled with chapters and I'm just super excited about it. I think one thing that's been really fun for me about creating this book and doing it my own way is that I'm writing freely. I'm also including journal prompts that accompany each chapter and each relevant section, so that anyone who is interested in doing deeper work, beyond just reading, to actually process their own stories and narratives and experiences, is able to dive a little bit deeper after each section, and I think that's really powerful. I have been working with a coach on this project for a while. She will actually be writing my forward for this book. She is an author herself and I am just so excited. So, yeah, that was a small glimpse into this project, and the next time you hear about it it will be out into the world, and I think that's really beautiful.

Aliya Cheyanne: 23:10

So many conversations have been coming up about legacy and my world lately, and I think about that a lot with everything that I create, whether it be this podcast, whether it be the journal I created in the past, whether it be this book Surviving Singleness, or whether it be other projects to come, because there are so many other things that I'm working on and I'm so grateful to also be a prolific creator and to be sharing a bit of my work with you and to be building my legacy in real time, created in the past, that we are still able to access or learn from or hear or see or read now, and how their work continues to transform us. And as I think about the things that we are all creating today in the here and now, the things that I am creating today in the here and now, and how that will not only impact people of today but also people of the future, that feels just so powerful to me. That feels like Afrofuturism in action, that feels like time travel in action, and in this way I feel like I am continuing to craft and shape and build my own legacy. In this way, I feel so connected to the past, present and the future and I just love the feeling. I love the feeling of creating and creation and sharing these things that are in my mind and on my heart and putting them out into the world. So, thank you for spending this time with me and, as I said, you will be the first to know when this project drops and is officially out into the world.

Aliya Cheyanne: 25:09

The working title right now is Surviving Singleness. The Gift Society Calls a Curse and I think that will stay the title, but again, if that changes or anything changes, you will also be the first to know. And, yeah, stay tuned. I'm so excited about this. So, all right, friend. Well, I appreciate you for tuning into this week's episode. Thank you so much for lending me your time, your energy and your ears. If this episode resonated with you, please leave a five-star rating and positive written review. Be sure to share this episode with a friend and I'll catch you back here on the next episode. Bye.