The Prolific Hub Podcast
The Prolific Hub Podcast is a digital archive of all things life, personal development, spirituality & creativity.
The Prolific Hub Podcast
Ep. 33 | Healing Trauma Through Memes & Humor ft. Margeaux Feldman
As the mind behind the Instagram phenomenon @softcore_trauma, Margeaux Feldman joins this episode of The Prolific Hub Podcast to show us how memes can serve as a balm for relational trauma, and the human need to be seen.
The journey from academia to entrepreneurial creativity isn't for the faint of heart, yet Margeaux's story unfolds as a beacon of hope for those feeling trapped by traditional institutions. Margeaux shares how their own life experiences have shaped their dedication to demystifying academic concepts through relatable content.
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- Visit margeauxfeldman.com for more offerings!
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Hi friends, welcome back to the show. I'm so excited today to be joined by Margo Feldman, who created the Instagram page Softcore Trauma, which is a page that is dedicated to holding space for the different ways that trauma shows up in our lives. Through that page, margo has been able to amplify so much of their other work and I'm just so honored to share space with Margo today and to have them on the show. So with that, let's jump into the episode. Hello, hello, hi everyone.
Aliya Cheyanne:Welcome back to the Prolific Hub podcast. I'm your host, aliyah Cheyenne, and I'm so excited today to be joined by Margo Feldman. Hi, margo, hi, margo, I am so happy to have you on and I usually love to kick off with an introduction for you to share more about who you are and your work. But I also love to share how I found out about you and, like many things, social media is a big place. But I want to say I learned about your Instagram page, the Softcore Trauma page, maybe two years ago, and I've been following you and your work since, and I think what pulled me in the most is just feeling really seen and comforted by some of your work. Who knew memes had so much power?
Margeaux Feldman:Truly.
Aliya Cheyanne:Who knew memes had so much power? But I remember you had done a post I can't say how long ago, but it was something around grief and the memes that you use and the language that you use to talk about grief was just so comforting to me. It allowed me to humanize grief in a way that I hadn't before, as something to be acknowledged and cradled and held and not to be thought about as separatist of self but as part of self, and I have been hooked ever since and so honored to have you on today.
Margeaux Feldman:Thank you for sharing that's so like it's such a strange thing to. I kind of just you know, I have my own feelings around the like language of like influencers and content creators, so I just like to call myself a human on the internet. Yeah, and like as a human on the internet, I it's just like so nice to get to hear what has like resonated with folks, because it is just like such like a you know crazy space where I'm just putting memes out into the world and like hoping that they, that they land. But it's just really nice on my end to get to like receive some of your story about how you came to my work. So so, thank you.
Aliya Cheyanne:Thank you. So with that, I would love for you to introduce yourself to the audience for folks who may not be aware of your work. I always like to ask guests like how would you describe yourself? How do you want to be known today? How do you want to be seen? So can you share more about who you are in the world today?
Margeaux Feldman:The desire to be seen and, simultaneously, the desire to not be seen. Yeah, so my name is Margo. I use they, them pronouns. I am non-binary, because I just never want to be put in a box, and I feel like that is something that has taken shape across all arenas of my life. I am someone who's chronically ill, I'm someone who lives with complex trauma, so those are always kind of with me on the day-to. Their presence changes and shifts depending on on the season, but you know, more recently I have been in like a pretty high pain, flare state that I haven't experienced in many years, and so that is like a passenger with me right now.
Margeaux Feldman:So other ways that I like describe myself I'm a, I'm a writer. That's like my, my passion, my heart's desire in the world, the thing that fuels me and makes me happiest. I also am learning to claim the label of like artists. I do visual art, obviously, memes, which I absolutely consider a form of art. So then, like, I think are going to be like studied as like a, an art form of our, like you know, age in many years to come. Um, but I also work a lot in collage. I've done an installation.
Margeaux Feldman:I just like love, I like, I love and I just need to be creative so that really, whatever shape or form that takes, is really just like my lifeblood. And then I guess the other piece of me that feels important is that I am a public educator. I'm just like so passionate about you know, and I'm sure we'll probably talk about this but like taking all of the things that I had the privilege to like learn through being an academia and going to graduate school and being able to translate that in ways that are accessible for folks who either, just like, have no interest in, you know, reading all the books, like reading all the theory, or who, who, for so many different reasons, can't access higher ed. And yeah, I just believe that education should be like a free resource. And so, you know, I really see all of the work that I do whether that's like webinars or workshops or the memes that I make or my writing as educational, as much as they are like also personal.
Aliya Cheyanne:Yeah, yeah, thank you so much for sharing all of that really impactful, really transformative work and I love the idea or not even the idea, but the lived practice of I don't know if distilling is the right word, but, yeah, distilling information, um, from the theoretical, from the like academic, to you know, using written word and language to just really help people to understand complex ideas and complex ideologies around trauma, um, and really simplifying it in a way that a lot of people can digest, maybe if they don't have access to academia, they don't have access to other resources like therapy and things like that. So that's how I kind of view a lot of what I love about your work and, yeah, I'm just really excited to have you on. So I want to jump in on the latter end of all those great things. We're going to talk about everything, but really wanting to kick it off with your just your experience with academia.
Aliya Cheyanne:I've learned through your work and you held positions, you left certain spaces. You're teaching in your own space, in your own ways and spaces now, and then you know you held positions, you left certain spaces. You're teaching in your own space, in your own ways and spaces now, and then you're also pursuing higher education, so I would love to hear a little bit more about just your journey with that.
Margeaux Feldman:Yeah, yeah, I mean, I'm just a glutton for academic punishment. So I think it's my Sagittarius rising. For the astrology nerds who might be tuning in uh, you know, sagittarians like, we just love learning and we just love like knowledge and exploring.
Aliya Cheyanne:I'm a Sag moon, oh okay, I love, yeah, I love exploring and knowledge too.
Margeaux Feldman:All right, I'm just like I'm so I've just always been a naturally curious person, and so I feel like you know, I'll give some backstory that like kind of led me into academia, because it is really part of that story for me, which is that I actually flunked out of my undergrad. I was like put on academic probation after my first year and then I was like when my grades didn't improve, I was forced to take a leave of absence. And then I was like when my grades didn't improve, I was forced to take a leave of absence. And this was, like you know, coming from. You know I got early acceptance into university.
Margeaux Feldman:I was like practically a straight A student in high school and, due to you know, so much mental health stuff that I had no support for and my father being a single father with like ALS, that was like progressing I just like was not.
Margeaux Feldman:I was just so checked out at school. School was like my fun place and you know I would go to some classes, not others, and so all of this kind of you know got to the point where, you know, I just wasn't turning in assignments and and I really just slipped through the cracks, and so when I came back after like that year off, I really came back with this feeling of like maybe I'm actually just like not smart enough to be in university because I wasn't yet ready to acknowledge all of the mental health stuff. But I like also had like felt, you know, like I just I didn't want to like. The feeling was like I didn't want to blame my dad, you know and I'm using scare quotes there around blame like I just didn't want to say that like I had flunked out because of like the care work that I was like yeah you, um.
Margeaux Feldman:So I came back and I had a class, an English literature class, and I should say I started actually as a criminology and psychology double major because I was like always just interested in the human mind and why we do the things that we do, and I grew up as a child of law and order and CSI and so I was like you know, I was like I want to study the criminal mind and so, after like flunking out of you know, both of those programs, I was like, okay, I'm going to take some of like my favorite classes that I had in high school, which was like English, lit and philosophy classes, and I had this professor who was also my TA, who clearly saw that like I was like a bright student and that I had very intensely low self-esteem about my capacities, and he was just so encouraging and supportive and that was the moment where I was like I want to be this person, I want to be the professor who sees students like me and can like give them the support they need to succeed yeah and so from that point on, I was like, all right, I'm going to grad school, like that is what has to happen in order to be a professor.
Margeaux Feldman:And so I did my master's, um, and then I went into my PhD. And I knew, going into the PhD, that already the job market did not look the way that it used to, that tenure track jobs, which are like the only jobs that have like real job security, were disappearing and more and more people were going to grad school because that's what you had to do to get jobs. Yeah, so the you know I knew that the supply and demand was like just way out of whack, but I still was like I'm just gonna give it. I'm just gonna give it a shot realistically, even though I am a grossly underpaid graduate student with like next to no funding. This is, however many the next years of my life I'm going to get to spend writing, teaching and reading and those are my favorite things.
Margeaux Feldman:Oh yeah, so it was probably. It took me eight years to do my PhD, which is about like pretty average for a literature program, and that's in large part almost, I would even say entirely because the arts programs are not the ones that get funding. So you know, you get the little kind of funding package that you get from the university and then you're having to take on summer teaching and additional work, so there's really like no time to be like writing the dissertation. So but it was probably maybe two years before I finished.
Margeaux Feldman:Two years before I finished that I just realized like I did not want to have to move to like rural wherever to get the tenure term job, because that's usually how it works you kind of have to pay your dues somewhere and as like a queer, chronically ill, like disabled person with like radical politics, I was like I don't want to have to move somewhere where I am not going to be able to find community. And I was also just like really getting a sense of like the intense workload expectations of tenured faculty, but like then, especially for like adjunct or contract faculty, like the number of courses they were having to teach and that they would have to reapply for each year, not knowing they would have it and as, like a kid who grew up poor and like did not have like financial stability, I was just like I don't and I can't, in this chronically ill body, work that amount yeah um.
Margeaux Feldman:So that was like sort of one piece of, like you know, sort of figuring out that I needed an exit plan, and then I think the other part of it was just pure exhaustion at just trying to do so much activism within, like the university space and just realizing just the layers and layers of capitalism and the layers of oppression that the institution was just so invested in, and I just was like there has to be a different way that we can learn and do education.
Margeaux Feldman:So, around about probably two years out from finishing, around about probably two years out from finishing, I had started just doing workshops in public community spaces and I had started writing zines and publishing them and I started to have my Instagram following started to grow slowly but surely, so that by the time I was done, I actually kind of without any real planning of this being like my full hustle, I thought it was maybe gonna be like a side hustle. Yeah, it became clear that, like I could do all of the things that I loved from being in academia, I could do them outside of academia in all of the radical ways that I wanted to do that and I was just like, well, great, I mean, it hasn't been without. Its like struggles, you know, which we can definitely talk about. But, you know, hilariously I came out of it just realizing like oh, I've actually set myself up to do the things that I love without being beholden to this like very oppressive institution.
Aliya Cheyanne:Yeah, my goodness, there's so much in there. I think something that really resonated with me is just the impact of people who believe in us, despite the things we might be going through in our personal lives. Like having those teachers or professors show up for us is so important. It makes me think about a professor I had who, kind of tough, loved me one day, like looked me in the face and was like you're so much better than this, You're so smart. What are you doing, you know? And that one professor drastically changed the course of my. Like I finished undergrad strong because of her.
Aliya Cheyanne:Prior to that, I was on academic probation because I didn't care. There's a lot of other things going on and I was just like this is not my priority. And it took that one professor seeing me and believing in me, to be different. And I love that. Like through your journey in academia, like you've learned that that work can exist outside of sort of these institutions that are poised to function a certain way, Like we can build a new thing, Like we can do a different thing outside of that.
Aliya Cheyanne:It's so cool that you were able to, you know, pursue, not without hardship, but pursue your interests and your passions and really move into a space where you didn't have a plan for something, but it came to be. It worked out, so I think that's really cool. I think one thing I think about, though, is especially for people who may consider themselves solopreneurs or entrepreneurs or creatives, whatever the label that applies. There are some folks who specifically go to school for the degree to do a thing, don't they figure it out outside of the institution of school, but I'd love to know how pursuing your MFA and your PhD, how that has specifically supported you in your work. How have those programs and those degrees served you and helped you so far?
Margeaux Feldman:For sure, yeah, I think one of the I think one of like the first big things was, you know, so my PhD dissertation was about chronic illness and trauma, and so I just had all of this time that was like supported to read all the books about, like trauma theory and you know, chronic illness, you know chronic illness.
Margeaux Feldman:So you know, I had space to gain that knowledge. And then, because I had, I mean, there's like kind of like two different camps in academia of like how to write, and one camp is like let's write this in the most convoluted way we can because it makes us look smart, but like and people are gonna have to struggle to understand what we're saying. And then there's the camp of like actually it's like smarter to like explain things as simply as you can, like that actually is harder to do and more impressive. And so, thankfully, my, my supervisor was someone in that latter camp who was just like how do you just say the thing like simply? So that really taught me how to translate like dense, often unreadable, like theory, like even for me, into something that was digestible for everyone. You don't have to be in academia to be smart.
Margeaux Feldman:Yeah, not at all you know there are like so many fucking smart people who just like don't have to be in academia to be smart yeah, not at all. Like so many fucking smart people who just like don't have access to academia or don't have interest in academia, you know, or like are too busy surviving to like be able to do that. But yeah, it was always just really important for me, especially, you know, like my dad was a very smart man but he had like a high school education and, you know, did not do any further education after that, and so if I wanted to like talk to him about my research, I wanted to like explain that in a way that like was accessible to him. So academia really helped me there. It also gave me years and years of teaching experience because, like you know, part of the funding package was that you were a TA, a teaching assistant, every year. So, you know, I got to teach hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of students and eventually also create my own courses as a result of that and be a course instructor. It also gave me opportunities to not only teach but have space to talk about and think about teaching, to think about what a radical trauma informed pedagogy or way of teaching what that looks like. So all of that absolutely helped me. All of that like absolutely, you know, helped me in creating the Instagram account, you know, and doing the work that I do there. And then with the MFA I mean.
Margeaux Feldman:So the funny story you know here is like after my PhD, I was like I'm done, I'm done with grad school, yeah, and. And so I'm Canadian and I had come to Los Angeles a couple of years ago and just fallen in love with it and I was like I really feel like this is a place that I'm like supposed to be. And I was like an immunocompromised person living through a pandemic, you know, very cold Canada, with like four to five months of winter, you know that really like isolated you. I was like, okay, like here I could just like I can just hang out with people outside literally any day of the week. So I was like, all right, well, how do I get to Los Angeles? My options are to get married to you know, get a job, or to go to school, and that's like all I kind of knew.
Margeaux Feldman:So I was like, well, maybe I could do an MFA, and you know so, and I, but I really was like, okay, I'll go to school if it will support me in doing the thing that I want to be doing, which is writing. And so, for the MFA, it's like this was like one of the happiest years of my life, because I literally just got to go to school the thing that I want to be doing, which is writing, and so, for the MFA, it's like this was like one of the happiest years of my life, because I literally just got to go to school three days a week and like talk about writing and like do my own writing and work on like the next book that I want to have out in the world. So, yeah, in terms of the MFA, it's really given me that space to write and be in community with other writers and artists. Um, and that's just like, really just like filled my little like creative, fiery heart.
Margeaux Feldman:So yeah, though, and you know, and being at CalArts also, because it is like a writing program, you're getting professionalization in ways to like support you in getting your writing published, which is I had. I had been getting stuff published in like magazines, like online, little bit by little bit, but it's so hard. Acceptance rates are so low, so eventually, I just became so frustrated with it that I was just like I'm just going to start like self publishing and making my little, my little zines. So, yeah, it's been good to like have a program that's, like, you know, helping me get my work out there. Yeah, I guess those would be some of some of the ways that that academia has has supported me in like making this transition yeah, okay.
Aliya Cheyanne:So we're gonna touch on so many of these things because a bunch of different points. We're gonna dive deep on a little bit more. Just first, randomly, my sister actually loves LA, wants to move there someday.
Margeaux Feldman:I'm sure she'll love to get in touch and share whatever wisdom I've acquired by that point in time.
Aliya Cheyanne:Yeah, I love that and like gosh, I keep bringing this up. But recently I just did like an astro cartography reading. I was actually really surprised by the feedback I got. But one of the places that apparently I would do really well in is LA and I was like I was not expecting that.
Aliya Cheyanne:That's very interesting, but I also got Minnesota and I'm just like listen Very different vibe. I have to take this information with a grain of salt. So I'm just like. But to take a step back to the beginning, I love what you were describing at the start of that, which was you having the ability and the strength of just translating really complex information in the simplest terms so that even someone like your dad could understand, and I think that's so beautiful and I think that's something that I love and find in the soft core trauma page. So I would love to know just kind of the origin story of just how and why you decided to start the page, just so you know for folks who may not know I don't know and I would love to know and just kind of the beginning of that journey.
Margeaux Feldman:Yeah, absolutely. So it's really funny. I am like an archivist. I like do not get rid of like any, anything, like you know. So if you actually were to scroll all the way down to the start of my Instagram, you would like see these like original posts, making memes with something that only started a couple of years ago for me. So originally I started the page just, I think, under the handle floral manifesto, because I had a blog called floral manifesto and some friends were just like you should, you should have an Instagram account where you're like sharing, you know, to like promote the blog. And I was like, okay, should have an Instagram account where you're sharing to promote the blog. And I was like, okay, sure. So I started.
Margeaux Feldman:The blog was sort of about the intersections of fashion, feminism and feelings and a lot of the ways in which clothes can support our mental health, and wanting to offer a different kind of narrative to fashion because, like you know, we often think about it as something that's like antithetical to feminism, like the fashion industry, and it is in so many ways. But I grew up with a mother who loved clothes and she passed away when I was 11, and so that was always something that I continued to like have with me, like I just love those. So you scroll all the way back lots of like selfies, outfit selfie and stuff from from that page. Then, as I was starting to think about like trying to like publish writing, I started to share little snippets of my writing on the page and that's when I like really noticed like the account start to like grow. You know, I think I had like over like 1000 followers and which felt like massive at that point in time.
Margeaux Feldman:And then I also started to like make posts that were very like like kind of like infographic you know, definition of terms and like you know, talking about like trauma and breaking down different kinds of like theory. That I was like reading and that's really where the page stayed for quite a while was, like you know, infographic-y educational posts and then like snippets of my writing. And then I was just getting exhausted by how much time it took to create these infographic like carousels and I knew that I still wanted to do like public education, but I was, you know, I was essentially writing mini essays and then, like you know their hearts, so like dealing with people in the comments who were like, oh, but you didn't talk about X and you didn't mention this and you know, and I was like my friends, this is an Instagram carousel.
Margeaux Feldman:I cannot possibly include every detail. No, you know, like this is why I have a dissertation and this is why, like, I have like longer form writing, so it really, and it started to just like form writing, so it really, and it started to just like honestly feel really extractive. I think that social media is so fascinating to me in how we engage with like you know, whether you want to call them content creators, fluencer, artists, people where we have a way of engaging with them as though they're not like human beings, uh, and as though we are owed something by following them. You know, and I see this, I see this happen a lot, you know, in terms of like folks who have been like you know, since like october 7th, talking a lot more about politics on their page, for example, and then people being like I thought this was a page for like x, and now you're talking about this yeah, yeah, we're just like friends.
Aliya Cheyanne:It's all interconnected every so, especially with the block list that's happening now. Celebrities who have been very silent since October. Yes, very interesting.
Margeaux Feldman:I know, I know it's just like yeah, and mean I get, on the one hand, especially now that I have the platform that I do.
Margeaux Feldman:I do think it is super important for us to be using that space to talk about atrocities that are happening in the world, and I think, again, we can also just really dehumanize those who are on the other side of that account and and talk to them in ways that we wouldn't talk to people if we were just talking face to face like in the world.
Margeaux Feldman:And so that's like another thing that I kind of just like watch and I'm always just like interested in and have definitely been on the receiving end of you know what other people's expectations of me are and having this very parasocial relationship where I'm like I don't have any clue who you are and I'm sharing my most vulnerable bits and pieces here. So all of those things just kind of came to a head and I was just like I hate, I dreaded going onto Instagram and I know that there are lots of people who have had, overall, just like not positive experiences on social media, but for me, I've built so much community and like deep relationships with people like who are now some of my closest friends through social media. Yeah, and again, I'm just so invested in public education I was like I don't want to just opt out of this platform, so how can I make it more fun?
Aliya Cheyanne:Yeah.
Margeaux Feldman:And that's like you know.
Margeaux Feldman:So I was actually on an Instagram pause and I was over on, like my friends only Instagram and I saw this like image of like two iguanas and one is like hugging the other from like behind and they're just in this like intimate little pose and I just like posted it on my stories with, like you know, some little like like meme captions and and then that you know, when I came back from my break, I just like shared that like not necessarily with any plan to become a meme account, but I was just like this was a fun thing I made and people just went like crazy for it and I was like all right, so instead of spending like hours making this like detailed mini essay infographic, I can actually just spend my time looking at photos of cats on Pinterest and then, like you know, making memes.
Margeaux Feldman:And it was the making memes that, like I think, think you know, probably before I started making memes, I had maybe 20,000 followers, and then I mean now, in like the two or three years I guess that I've been doing that, now have, like you know, close to 350,000 followers. So it's just kind of wild. I didn't really know there was a niche market for memes about trauma with cute animals, but I tapped into that. It has resonated.
Aliya Cheyanne:Yeah, I love the evolution of that and also thank you for sharing and being vulnerable. I know it's obviously not easy to talk about having been or having to be a caregiver to a parent and then also having dealt with the loss of a parent, especially as a young child. So holding space for you for that, thank you for sharing and I'm glad that you have found ways to honor your mother through fashion and through other things, and you know how that's evolved over time. So I think, yeah, that's a very beautiful evolution. Who knew?
Margeaux Feldman:who knew, and I share that, because it's like you know, I want, I want, I feel like through again. This is like you know, like I didn't go to school for business. Once I like realized that I was gonna make this my business, you know, I started following some like accounts that did like business, like coaching or whatever, and all of the stuff that I was seeing on there was like so not what I was doing especially. It's like you know, like always be consistent, like you know, create this. And I was just like I again like, don't put me into a. You know, like, always be consistent, like you know, create this. And I was just like I again like, don't put me into a box.
Margeaux Feldman:You know, I really want other folks to like know that like, for me, I think what has made me successful is always honoring my authenticity and not, you know, and this was the same in academia. You know, I did not do all of the things that I was told to do in academia, which was just, you know, like, publish, publish, publish academic papers. I was like, no, I'm gonna like publish my like personal essays and run teaching conferences and do, like you know, activism and all of those things are like. What has like led me to being successful? Yeah, and similarly on my Instagram, you know, when I was no longer feeling good about like.
Margeaux Feldman:What has like led me to being successful? Yeah, and similarly on my Instagram, you know, when I was no longer feeling good about like what I was doing, just deciding to change and like people, you know, following along with that. I think it's like it gives. My hope is that it gives other people permission to honor their evolution and to just like, do what feels right to them, rather than be like, oh, but this is, this is not my business plan and, like you know, deviating. Yeah, I just I really do think that we all can like, feel another person's authenticity, and that that, again, just really gives us permission to be our authentic selves.
Aliya Cheyanne:Yeah, so many things with that. I love podcasts. I'm constantly listening to them.
Aliya Cheyanne:I was listening to another show earlier today where the person also has a pretty big following on one account, but she was describing that, on one hand, it's been able to support her to share her other great works but on the other hand, like there are so many changes with social media constantly, especially instagram, that it's made it hard to do certain things and grow, and you know she was explaining different sections of her, like groupings of her following, like not everybody who's following you is active, like some people are accounts that have been abandoned, some Some people don't engage. She was explaining all of those things. She says something similar that you are also saying I don't want to be put in a box. I don't want to feel caged in.
Aliya Cheyanne:Both of you are speaking about following your evolution and being authentic to yourself, and I think that's so important in your work. There's someone else that I listened to. One thing I love about their work is that they always show up authentically, so they're never in spaces or in rooms where they have to perform, because they surround themselves with situations and positions where they can be their true and authentic selves. They don't have to fake it or hide or perform. So I love your advice about remaining true to yourself, being authentic and honoring your evolution, because maybe where you start is not necessarily where you end up, and I think that's really beautiful. I would love to know more about the different offerings you have. I know you, you're an author. I know you have like the anchored card decks, like I know that I love your newsletter. So I would love to know more about the offerings you have and, yeah, like share more about your work.
Margeaux Feldman:Yeah, I mean, yeah, it's so funny. I'll just say, say to like the process of like figuring out how to make sense of all of the different things that I do has been like a hilarious part of like being my own boss of like you know, trying to even just like create a website that like encapsulates like all of. So I guess in like so I've got you know, I do regular, fairly regular like webinars or workshops, usually around the topics of like relationships and trauma in some way shape or form. So I actually have training in like conflict resolution and so I have a series of workshops on, like you know, trauma, informed conflict transformation, because you know, I'm just I'm constantly thinking about the ways in which, yes, like trauma like impacts our relationships but like really the world that we live in that has caused the trauma has not taught us how to be right in the kinds of relationships we actually like want to be in. You know we're either like totally conflict averse, like want to be in. You know we're either like totally conflict averse or you know we are like going to battle and like don't, we don't actually know how to like move through conflict, you know.
Margeaux Feldman:And then I've got another workshop on like boundary work from like a trauma informed lens. So there's a whole host of like different workshops and webinars that I run and I think I've been trying to think of, like you know, the problem with my brain I have a million different ideas and there's not enough time to execute all of them. But I'm thinking of doing an upcoming workshop on thinking about like attachment theory from like the let through the lens of like systemic oppression and really looking at the ways in which our attachment strategies are not only shaped by, you know, our relationship with our caregivers actually, and I really, like you know, feel like they didn't really like fuck me up, but like I absolutely have like attachment trauma and and then we're like, well, guess what? As a marginalized person, like in a world that works to oppress you, like that actually is its own form of attachment trauma and so stay tuned for that.
Margeaux Feldman:I also, yes, I have a sub stack newsletter where I share my longer form writing called carescapes, and I've just started a special part of that. That is behind a paywall but like with a very clear if you cannot afford the five dollars a month, like just email me. But I sort of needed a boundary around this more vulnerable writing, which I'm calling my, my wounding slash, wanting diary. Yeah, really about like the ways in which wounding and wanting are so like inextricably linked for me, um, and and really trying to explore why that is and like what that's like looked like throughout my life and how I'm like healing from that. Yeah, in the present, um, I also like this is you know, haven't been able to make an official, official announcement yet, but I do have a publisher for my first book, like this congratulations. So I'll be able to make yeah, we're just ironing out a few details but I'll be able to make like a more official announcement about that, um in the coming probably weeks or maybe next month or so. So I'm really excited, uh, to have a book out in the world.
Margeaux Feldman:And yeah, then I have a deck of cards that I made called anchored, which like actually just started when my like chronic pain and and CPTSD, dissociation just like really took over my life and I couldn't write. Writing was like impossible, yeah, but I needed to create and so I started creating these cards. Some I call them like intuition cards or Oracle cards. I've called them like anchor cards, because each card represents like a different practice or feeling or strategy that we can use to help our nervous system. So I launched that almost a year ago pre-orders for that and it comes with like a 200 page guidebook that I wrote.
Margeaux Feldman:And I was like which was like, yeah, a little well at me being like, yeah, guidebook, it'll be, like you know, very chill. And then I was like, okay, like yeah, writing, you know, you know, two pages, because each card comes with like a write-up about it and then a practice that you can do to, like you know, work with that card.
Margeaux Feldman:Yeah you know, and then you throw in a couple of card spreads and you know write an introduction and then you're like at 200 pages and you're like, cool, okay, this was you know.
Margeaux Feldman:Uh, brevity has never been my strong suit, uh, whatsoever, so I just have to embrace that, uh.
Margeaux Feldman:And then I guess, yeah, the final thing is that I have like a bunch of like zines, which is like short for magazine yeah, you who are not familiar with that term, and it really came out of like the 1980s, like it existed prior to that in like fanfic, but became like really popularized by like the Riot Grrrl movement in the 90s and like late 80s and so, and really it's just like you know, an essay, you know, or a smaller collection of essays that's smaller than a book, more like kind of the size of a smaller magazine.
Margeaux Feldman:And so that was like my way of just being like I want this writing to exist in the world. I don't want to deal with like all of the rejections of magazine, not because you know, nothing is getting rejected because it's not good, it's just like getting rejected because they have like 5 million submissions and they just have to like pick from that. Yeah, yeah, those are all the things then, because I'm crazy, uh, and want to always do more things coming up and I just haven't figured out the launch for it yet, but I am starting like a discord server for the softcore trauma community cool because I just love helping, like I just love being able to be in community and like I know that so many people struggle to find community.
Margeaux Feldman:So it'll be a space where there'll be like regular, like monthly events that will happen and there's, like you know, a whole bunch of different channels around different topics for like folks to connect and I'm really excited for that. That's me exist and grow.
Aliya Cheyanne:I love all of that. Those are all such beautiful offerings, but especially that last piece because, as you know one of the questions I had for you about how you've seen you know, how have you seen your work foster community, and you've answered that several times over. You've been able to cultivate friendships from your work. You've been able to see other people connect with each other through your work and now through launching this Discord server at some point, that'll be another way for folks to foster community and especially during a time where there's so much loneliness happening, like we see it in trends on social media, people are experiencing loneliness at an all-time high. In a lot of ways, for people who are part of your community, this is sort of something like an anecdote for that, like a remedy for that, so I think that's really beautiful and special. That'll be really exciting when that is launched.
Margeaux Feldman:Yeah, I think probably in June, I was like, yeah, I was gonna do a May launch and then I was like, what are you doing? You're like just finishing up your school semester, like chill for like a little bit. So I'm just like it's already like all set up. I'm just like for, yeah, there's to have the capacity to promote it and get it, get it launched. Yeah, yeah, I mean other things that I've done that like I've loved and would love to do again in the future, is that I've done like a mixer on my Instagram where people submit like they're kind of like dating profiles.
Aliya Cheyanne:Okay, that's cute.
Margeaux Feldman:It's like it could be for dating, it could be for friendship, it could be, you know, a pen pal, like, whatever they're sort of like looking for in terms of connection, and so they I originally started it by like making their like little profile, like for them, and then that was you know as it grew.
Margeaux Feldman:I was like, okay, this is a lot of work.
Margeaux Feldman:So then I like got people to kind of create their own by just basically sending me a story slide with, like you know who they were and what they were looking for, and a picture and and that, and that was like so beautiful. And I did that as like a fundraiser. So, like people you know to submit a profile, you like made a donation so long as, like it was possible for you to make a donation to someone's like GoFundMe or whatever they were doing, and then send me that screenshot and I would put up the profile and then, yeah, people could just message them through a question box sticker, um, and then that person could decide who they wanted to message. And and it's like so sweet because every once in a while, like I get a message from someone who's like you know, like I'm like having a meetup finally with, like this person that like I connected with like through that mixer, and it just like makes my heart so happy. I could just be like a matchmaker in a different life. Yeah.
Aliya Cheyanne:I love that. I love that, um, and I think that's really special too, because something I've spoken about on this podcast before just finding community. At the end of the day, that's how we're going to get free, live in a better world. So I think, also just on that front, though, some things I've heard about people who are just deep in their creative work or deep in their solopreneurship or their entrepreneurship is that it can sometimes be really lonely, like if you're really committed to it and you're constantly working, you're not giving yourself the space to breathe and to work, like it can be really lonely. So I'm curious if you've, like, at any point experienced that with your career and if you have, like, how you've kind of remedied that.
Margeaux Feldman:Yeah, I mean, I think I've been really lucky in a lot of ways to not really have experienced that, in part because I was already building friendships with people who are also doing the same kind of thing. You know, like they would share my post or they would respond to like one of my posts and then, you know, we would kind of get into each other's DMS and then it's, you know, I'd be following their work and sharing it. So I already had probably like like a handful of you know, like social media friends who were also doing their own thing. So I was really grateful, you know, to have people that I could bounce ideas off of. You know, or in moments where the internet was like not being a super kind place, like I had people who I could talk about those experiences with. You know, and and I'm grateful because I have like amazing best friends and like an amazing partner, but, like you know, they're not doing that kind of work. One of my besties is, but like she really needs, she actually really has to be off of social media for, like her mental health, so like, okay, able to like.
Margeaux Feldman:So I would just, I mean, for folks who are feeling that loneliness, I would just say, like who are people like that are doing this work that like you really love? You know it might sound like scary or like you know vulnerable to like slide into their DMS, but, like for me, whenever someone's like done that and just sent me like a message, it's like makes my day. So you know, if you can, you know, just do the brave, scary thing of like putting yourself out there. You know, I'm sure that those people probably are also feeling disconnected and isolated and like they would love to have someone to connect with who understands what it means to do this kind of work. Yeah, I just. You know, community has always just been so important to me so even you know I mean doing a PhD when you're doing your dissertation always just been so important to me.
Margeaux Feldman:So even you know I mean doing a PhD when you're doing your dissertation you're largely just like alone, like wherever it's, like your office or your home or whatever it is like you know cranking out this like dissertation, and I just knew that I would be miserable if I was like never seeing people.
Margeaux Feldman:You know, in those days, like I created like a writing group and we met virtually once a week to just like work on our writing together. So that's like another thing I would suggest, like, if you have, if you know, at least just all it takes is one person. If you have one person, you know that you feel comfortable enough, just like saying like hey, do you want to have like a virtual meetup, like you know, once a week or once a month? You know, where we can just like share digital space and talk about what we're working on and then just have some quiet work time that we're just sharing together, like that. Really, it's also a great accountability tool because somehow when there's someone else on the screen, even though they have no idea what you're doing, you are more productive because you're less likely to like yeah, you know, decide to get up and vacuum your apartment or do whatever other task to do.
Aliya Cheyanne:Yeah, I love that advice. That's so good and you know it helps to alleviate some of those feelings around loneliness, but it also creates an accountability partner in a way, and I think that's really good too, especially in, you know, work around creativity or building any kind of business or anything like that. I think that's so cool. So I know we're almost at time. I just have like two last questions for you. So one of them is just around being highly visible and highly seen and how that relates to trauma.
Aliya Cheyanne:I personally fundamentally believe that, especially as someone who is working on building a business, that I need to be able to show up as my full and complete self. I no longer want to be in spaces where I have to hide aspects of myself just to do what I need to do, and I know that, despite the fact that so many people try to compartmentalize and put things to the side when they show up to work or anything else, those things still show up. So I'm very curious around your thoughts around the link between just maybe deep-seated feelings whether they be actual instances and experiences of trauma or other things that show up and how they impact our work For people who struggle with being visible and being seen in their work, especially when their work demands it and requires it. I would love just some thoughts around that and, you know, yeah, any ideas you have. I know that's a big question, but it's such an important question.
Margeaux Feldman:No, and I have so much to say. It's like where to even start? Yeah, I mean, we all have this like intense desire to be seen, and you know, I think that that's actually just like a core human need that we have. And if we grew up in like families that couldn't see us for our full self, couldn't celebrate us in our fullness which is absolutely my experience it is both something that you deeply crave and also so terrifying.
Margeaux Feldman:You know, the problem like, too, with like being a human on the internet, is that it is a space where people's trauma plays out at like rapid speed. I see this in like you know people reacting rather than just like responding, and I don't have any judgments on either of those Like we we are going to do both like at different moments, but you know, I'll see it when I've made a post that's like maybe a bit spicier and it like triggers something in someone, and like they bring that into the comment section and and they're really not seeing me in that moment like what they're seeing in the writing is like the thing that they're afraid of or the thing that's like triggering them.
Margeaux Feldman:And you know, like, at the start of like being on the internet, like that was incredibly challenging for me. Them not seeing me then triggered my stuff around, like not being seen, and then you know the reality is, the bigger your following gets, the more eyeballs are on you and unfortunately, there are humans out there that like want you to fail, want you to fuck up, are like looking for that, especially and sadly, within like leftist activist communities and where there's like actually no space for you to like actually be a human who can mess up and say the wrong thing or do something wrong, and and there can be space for you to actually be accountable and change and grow. And I even see this in how folks you know I think that there's a lot of great things about like the blockout, like movement, and I also see the ways in which you know the second that a celebrity or an influencer is like as out of you know, I'm sure partially out of fear of, like you know, being being blocked en masse, is deciding to speak up about palestine and then, like the responses are well, where were they seven months ago? And like and and I'm like, oh, and I get that. I truly also am like, where were you seven months ago? But it's also like, okay, you're here now, like welcome, like this, you know.
Margeaux Feldman:And so for me, like I have been like stalked by like people on the internet who have like literally like taken screenshot of me, getting like my nails done as evidence that I'm not actually poor, and like using the shit in like a campaign to like cancel me for like quote unquote being like a cult leader and like and like calling me like a serial abuser. And there's just like you know, there's just like calling me like a serial abuser and there's just like you know, there's just, it's just wild to like make yourself visible, because people are very sadly, from their own places of trauma, are like looking for someone to turn into the enemy, for someone that they can attack, and I absolutely have experienced that, and I've also been like very rightly called out for things at different points in time. Yeah, that were opportunities for me to step into accountability and figure out how I could better use my platform.
Margeaux Feldman:You know, in the process of all of those things happening. It forced me to really confront a lot of trauma that I had around not being seen. Many a therapy session has been spent in like saying the fact that some people just aren't going to see you. They have like created a story of you. They don't even know you and that is the story that they are going to spread. That is the story that they are going to tell, and other people are going to hear that story and choose to believe it and it breaks my heart and makes me really sad and also I'm like well, those humans aren't my humans, because that's not how I want to operate in the world. I want to acknowledge that, quote unquote, good people can also cause harm and that people can make mistakes and not be showing up in the ways that we would like them to, and they have a chance to like address that and change and grow. Yeah, so it's scary All that to say, like I don't share as much, like little personal updates about my day to day life, because I am, like you know, thinking about, like you know, how.
Margeaux Feldman:Is there still someone? Are there people who are like watching me? Are there people who are going to take this out of context. Are there people that are going to like twist this into some story? That isn't true. And I'm also, like you know, very aware of. Like you know like I share pictures of my partner and I, but it's like I don't tag them and that's like they're. You know, I, with every new human that comes into my life, I have to have a conversation with them where I'm like, all right, listen, obviously you know that I like write about my life and I, you know, share a lot of personal details about my life on the internet. What are your boundaries around that? Yeah, but there is also like a desire to like protect them from you know people who you know could be showing up on you know people who you know could be showing up on you know in their DMS. So, yeah, I don't know it's, I am ambivalent about it.
Margeaux Feldman:It's like, in many ways, every time I'm vulnerable on the internet, I get so much affirmation for that and people share how deeply seen they feel by what I share and that's what, that's what keeps me doing it and I think, like with trauma brain, we can swing from one end of the pendulum to the other, where it's like I've never felt seen to.
Margeaux Feldman:I must be seen in my fullness and entirety. I am, like you know, going back to like hiding myself, and I think that the middle space is like what I share. I really want to consider it as a gift that I am like offering, and some people are not ready to receive all parts of me, and so I have to make the choice around, you know do is it in service of me to like show that part of me and potentially deal with, like people's responses negative or positive to that? Or is that actually something that I just want to keep for me, because it is special and precious, and maybe that's something that I share with my friends and my loved ones, my community, but it's not something that needs to exist on social media at this particular moment in time.
Aliya Cheyanne:And maybe never. Yeah, yeah, all of that is so rich. I think that's the struggle with wanting to like, not wanting well, wanting and needing. And using social media as a means to like amplify your work because you get everyone like you can get like. People will either be seen and held or they'll be really triggered, and being on the receiving end of that can be really tough and it can make you want to hide and not be seen. So you see so many people who they create all kinds of content and they never show their face or it takes a long time for them to actually be vulnerable and open up and talk. And you know, like you, you see them because the internet can be a cruel place.
Aliya Cheyanne:I I remember much earlier episode of the show talking about how schools should really focus on and center people who you know, what their interests are, like different parts of the world. Like you know, they look for and test for varying abilities, like whether you're you excel really strongly and you move forward, or you maybe you're someone who works better with your hands, or maybe there's something you're not strong at right now but you have the potential to really learn it. Like you know, like different schools do different things and we were just talking about that. We had made like a small clip of the extent of that conversation. But it was a small clip where we were like, basically everyone shouldn't be being forced into math and science if that's not what they want to do, like some want to write, some people like philosophy. Everyone's different and we need to cater to people's interests. We took a small clip of that conversation and the STEM community came after us and I was just like if you listen to the whole conversation and we're not to talk about this.
Aliya Cheyanne:We're just saying that everyone. It doesn't apply to everyone like I, especially as a black person, I would never deter other black people not to pursue stem. I just not all of us want to do that, you know, and that we had that moment is like just a very tidy account, being like what is happening right now, like is this, is this what it's like?
Margeaux Feldman:I mean, it can be, it can be, you know, and again, like now I look at those. Like now I look at those moments with like just like curiosity, like oh all right, that really, that really poked at something for you, yeah yeah all right, you know, because, yeah, I mean again, this is like the speed of the internet, right, it's like people listen to a clip.
Margeaux Feldman:They don't go then and listen to the whole episode, they just like listen to that clip and they're like, all right, I'm gonna like comment on this. You know somebody's writing, you like multi-par going to like comment on this. You know like multi paragraph, like you know response and you're just like I mean, I don't know. You know again, it's like I don't really know another way around that I often have to put like little like disclaimers or like caveats on certain. Yeah, I'm just like y'all, I know that you're probably going to come for me about like whatever X, Y or Z thing and like here's what I have to say about that here. That's not what this post is about. You know, and I've had to build better boundaries around, like you know, when folks respond in ways that like they just aren't getting it, I just have to be like that's not what I'm talking about here.
Margeaux Feldman:Yeah, yeah you, you know, and I think a different version of me earlier, you know, would have very much been like, oh my god, how do I like appease this person, you know? Or if my like more fiery Aries moon was like activated, I'd be like I must defend myself like smashing, you know, smashing. Like yeah, oh god, and you know it's been like, yeah, it's been a real lesson for me of learning like when, when, to engage with people who are like just not seeing me or not understanding the post that, you know, is that how I want to spend my energy? You know how do I do that? Sometimes it's literally like, okay, I'm going to do this response to one person, I'm going to pin that comment so that then, like people like I'm just not going to respond to everyone, yeah you know, or I might just like respond and be like see pinned comment.
Margeaux Feldman:You know, as a way to be like my time and energy is precious. I can't I can't respond to every person who is going to like misread me or misunderstand. I'm also trying to be like this. For me, anyways, my page is very much about public education, so if there are like learning opportunities there, I want to also, like you know, take advantage of that. And yeah, so it's like a balancing act, but yeah, it is how some people are going to show up. Like sometimes I'll make posts that like do not provoke people at all. But also, if I am interested in like having critical conversations which I am, and I just have had to accept that like some people might be unhappy with like what I'm offering and we might just have to agree to disagree, I wish you well. Yeah, you know, and I'm going to disengage from this conversation.
Aliya Cheyanne:Yeah, sometimes that's what you have to do, okay, so, margo, this has been really incredible. Thank you so much. I really enjoyed this conversation with you. I would like to end on a more uplifting note, which is just that you know, with all of the things that you have going on personal life, health life, work life, school life, all of the things how do you take care of yourself? What does self-care look like for you? What does community care look like for you? I would love to know.
Margeaux Feldman:Yeah, it looks like giving myself permission to sleep in, if I am able to. This morning I woke up at 10 am and then stayed in bed until 11 because one of my cats was literally in the nook of my arm and I was like I just want to be beside my cat right now. So you know, it wasn't until like 11 when I felt like all right, I need to like have coffee and get dressed before this, like you know, podcast interview that like yeah, and I know that like rest is not easily accessible to so many people, but like it is. I think one of the benefits to to being my own boss is that I can work in a way that's manageable for, like my body mind needs. Yeah, I want to.
Margeaux Feldman:I watch a lot of television and it's so funny because I grew up in a house that like television dominated and when I first moved out, I didn't have a TV. I like you know this was back when, like, if you like wanted to like watch a show, you either had to have cable or like if you like wanted to like watch a show, you either had to have cable or like go to the video store and rent DVDs. I'm like almost 40. So you know it's a different era. Yeah, giving myself permission to just binge watch television. So you know, like that's like one side of it and I think that, like you know, binging tv often gets like a bad reputation and I just want to like affirm that, like sometimes I just really need to turn my brain off and just be, entertained and that you know Netflix will be like give you know the screen will freeze and they'll be like are you still watching?
Aliya Cheyanne:do you want to ask you again?
Margeaux Feldman:yes, I am still watching episodes later of Grey's Anatomy or whatever. So that's, like you know, one sort of like arena. I also like my one of my besties who's a somatic practitioner. She actually made a deck of like cards and that had different like prompts, and one of the cards has this question that I always think about and it's what's the gentlest thing I could do right now. Yeah, and that, for me, is such an anchoring question. Yeah, so when I really need some like self care, I'm just like okay, sometimes that looks like canceling plans because I actually just need to stay home. Sometimes that looks like bringing out my like cart of all of my like collage materials and like just like having a collage session on my living room floor. Other times it looks like ordering food, because making food feels too tiring. Or it looks like actually making an elaborate meal because that, like you know, or it looks like actually making an elaborate meal, because that like you know, so meditative for me.
Margeaux Feldman:So that's, like you know, like the self-care kind of arena.
Aliya Cheyanne:And then community care.
Margeaux Feldman:It's like honestly. It's like usually like calling my besties. You know they both live in Canada, so you know I don't get to have like daily, you know weekly hangs with them, yeah. So you know it's like, yeah, we have like a voice note thread on WhatsApp and so sometimes it's just like sending voice notes and just being like how are you all doing? Like here's an update from my day, you know, or asking for support.
Margeaux Feldman:You know, sometimes it's like and I'm really excited for more ways of practicing like community care with this. Like you know it's like and I'm really excited for more ways of practicing like community care with this, like you know, discord space, because I think it will be like you know, one of one of the, the folks that I have helping with that space. You know it's like, yeah, maybe really cool to like have like a movie night, you know, and then it's just like you know, people just show up and we just watch this movie digitally all together, as like that, just like sharing space, even virtually, like that's community care. And then I guess the last thing you know I'll say is like so much of community care for me is activism and it's like you know I'm involved with the Students for Justice in Palestine group at CalArts and so that's like one piece of community care. You know that nourishes me but is also nourishing the community. You know I'm working on a t-shirt collab with someone who I did like a meme collab with, and like proceeds, like profits from that are going to go to just like supporting families who are trying to get out of Palestine.
Margeaux Feldman:So I just think that there's so many, especially right now, opportunities for folks to be doing community care there is. Is there a student encampment, like near where you live? Yeah, and you like find that you know that that SJP chapter and see, like, like, what kinds of things they need. You know, can you bring them food? Can you send them like a venmo donation so that they can get, you know, whatever it is they're needing? Can you just like show up and like share space, like with them, be like another body? And, yeah, I think that there's also lots of things we can be doing digitally that you know are just like so, so powerful and so nourishing to me. Yeah, what a gift it is to be able to like do mutual aid to. You know, practice community care, um, and get creative with each other on what it looks like to to support yeah, to support one another.
Aliya Cheyanne:Yeah, all of that was just so incredible and so beautiful, like heavy on the activism and showing up in whatever ways folks can to support all of the things that social media has made so accessible to us. Yes, because we can see constantly and connecting with community and with friends and binging shows. That's me. I've been re-watching an old show for months. There are seasons upon seasons. Yeah, oh my gosh, it's so comforting. It is predictable too. Yes, which means yeah, absolutely yeah. So I think that's great.
Aliya Cheyanne:And even just talking about like, because I mentioned on here before, I don't always like to cook, so if it's getting the takeout, it's getting the takeout, but ironically, I've cooked the last like two days and that's felt really good too. So I'm just like you know, leaning into what you need and giving it to yourself when you can and showing up for yourself and others as you can. So I think that's really beautiful. Thank you so much, margo. This is incredible and I loved having you on. I loved our conversation. Thank you for showing up so vulnerably and sharing so much of yourself and your work with me and with my audience. I really appreciate that.
Margeaux Feldman:Well, thank you so much, Aaliyah, for having me. It's so great to chat and for, yeah, just like that, I just feel so nourished by this conversation.
Aliya Cheyanne:Oh, thank you, that feels really, hi friends, what an incredible episode with Margo. Margo, I am so grateful and thankful that you were able to join me on this episode and to be in conversation. It was wonderful. Thank you For folks listening. I hope you were able to take something away from this conversation. I hope you feel inspired in the work that you're doing as a creative, as a solopreneur, as an entrepreneur, and I hope that you are able to have something that you can take with you, something that you might want to share with others in your network. And thank you so much for tuning in today.
Aliya Cheyanne:You can find more from Margo by visiting their Instagram page, softcore trauma. So that's softcore underscore trauma where you can find more of those incredible memes and trauma work that Margot is providing to the world. They also have a link tree linked in their bio on that page that links to a number of other offerings, including their website, margotfeldmancom, and you can visit their website to learn more about their offerings, their workshops, writings and so many other incredible things at margolfeldmancom. And all of these great things will be linked in the show notes below. So thank you so much for tuning into another episode of the Prolific Hub podcast and, if this resonated with you. Send a text to the show. Let me know what you thought. Send in a voice note. I would love to share more of just your thoughts and your feedback with other listeners and our audience, and I will catch you here on the next episode next week. Thank you so much for tuning in, friends, until soon.
